dust collector

The minute that I wrote the first post, I'd already decided I was finished with it. I couldn't even be bothered to delete it. I'd marked anything I'd written as stupid and unnecessary. I'm finding most things in life are, so I'm continuing without hesitation.

I arrived on a plane in Heathrow with wide eyes. I was ready to explore and settle in and travel and live. My dream was coming true and I had absolutely no anxiety about the thousands of miles away I had traveled. I'm going to speed up the first two weeks for you now so that I can focus on the current moments of my life with more emotional depth.

I bought a tiny pay as you go phone, as a drug dealer would in America. The difference is that here it just means that you are international in some way, not on the prowl with suppliers. I went grocery shopping for the first time which is definitely such an experience in itself. They barely eat romaine lettuce here, yet are obsessed with "rocket" (which is just the english word for arugula). There are fresh soups, pastas, meats, and ready made meals that line the wall for days. I honestly feel like if you can dream it, you can buy it in Sainsbury's. And if not there, then in Marks and Spencers or Tesco or The Food Cooperative. On every single corner is an Eat. or Pret a Manger or Costa. It's similar to the way in which people at home find french fries as fast food, they find long, thin baguettes with tomato, rocket and cheese. Honestly, I could write an entire post on how completely different their nutrition is here.

Moving forward, I have taken a small bus tour of London's main sights, seen Stonehenge and Bath, and begun my internship. Stonehenge is really just a postcard worthy event. Take a few pictures, make a few jokes, be stunned for a moment... but honestly, you can't even touch the rocks or go near them anymore which makes it a google-image-worthy event rather than a day trip.

My internship is generally amazing. I work for The Institute of Contemporary Music Performance as a Marketing and Events Intern. The work I've done thus far is simple but those I work with are amazing and hilarious. My newest and closest friend here, Rachael, is assistant to my supervisor and not a minute goes by that we aren't hysterically laughing at/with each other.

The other night a bunch of her friends came to her house for a night out in London and we went to this club here called Jalouse. Thrilled that we were on the guest-list, we strutted ourselves up to central London and waited with the rest for the doors to open. It didn't take us long to realize that every single person around us was on the guest-list and we were not nearly as special as we'd thought we were. After about an hour, most of us were ready to leave. Our friend that came to meet us with his 3 guy friends pulled us out of line and led us inside. We were all completely confused and even more so when we were led to a table and a giant bottle of Belvedere with sparklers attached was being carried over towards us. The entire night was complete fantasy. We finished the bottle.

initiation and introduction

My mom asked me about a week ago if I'd start a blog, and after blogging all 30 days of my Utah experience, my first thoughts were, "absolutely not". Except, let's be honest, I'm a 20-year-old girl with too many thoughts to keep them locked up in my head and too much coming my way this next year to not share it with you. I am going to do my best to entertain you but this is more for me than for any reader that exists in this weird blogger realm.

P.S. Please excuse the poetic tone that I always have because I can assure you that it is not going anywhere.

And so we begin.....

It hurts all over right now, more or less. It's 8:31 am in Oswego, NY and I've been staring at the wall since 7:36 wishing I hadn't taken that last sip last night. 

But I did, and life goes on. I leave in 3 days for London and I will be residing there until December when I will then decide what to do for the rest of the days leading into January. No plans on where i'll be going is sort of killing me. I guess I'm learning how to hold it all together even when I've run out of thread.

The anxiety that has been hanging out in my chest is at an all time high-- even in places I'd once experienced the most comfort. I'm going to predict that this year will end up being about learning to quiet it down on my own. And I couldn't tell you if I'm excited for that or not until I get there and it shuts up for long enough to allow me to be excited.

I am so complicated and dramatic and ridiculous at all times. Day by day I've been realizing it's not just me that's like that. It's the human race. Or maybe I should correct myself: the advancing human race. Those of us that are wrapped up in technology and moving faster, etc. and those of us that are stuck in the flow of that and can't quite swim upstream. Because of this, I promise that I will be honest with this blog and with myself. This wouldn't be a new chapter if I started it on a lie and I don't want anyone to read this if they aren't ready for the year to come. I understand this is a big step to take as I am not sure I am ready myself. Luckily, i'm the writer and not the reader.