initiation and introduction

My mom asked me about a week ago if I'd start a blog, and after blogging all 30 days of my Utah experience, my first thoughts were, "absolutely not". Except, let's be honest, I'm a 20-year-old girl with too many thoughts to keep them locked up in my head and too much coming my way this next year to not share it with you. I am going to do my best to entertain you but this is more for me than for any reader that exists in this weird blogger realm.

P.S. Please excuse the poetic tone that I always have because I can assure you that it is not going anywhere.

And so we begin.....

It hurts all over right now, more or less. It's 8:31 am in Oswego, NY and I've been staring at the wall since 7:36 wishing I hadn't taken that last sip last night. 

But I did, and life goes on. I leave in 3 days for London and I will be residing there until December when I will then decide what to do for the rest of the days leading into January. No plans on where i'll be going is sort of killing me. I guess I'm learning how to hold it all together even when I've run out of thread.

The anxiety that has been hanging out in my chest is at an all time high-- even in places I'd once experienced the most comfort. I'm going to predict that this year will end up being about learning to quiet it down on my own. And I couldn't tell you if I'm excited for that or not until I get there and it shuts up for long enough to allow me to be excited.

I am so complicated and dramatic and ridiculous at all times. Day by day I've been realizing it's not just me that's like that. It's the human race. Or maybe I should correct myself: the advancing human race. Those of us that are wrapped up in technology and moving faster, etc. and those of us that are stuck in the flow of that and can't quite swim upstream. Because of this, I promise that I will be honest with this blog and with myself. This wouldn't be a new chapter if I started it on a lie and I don't want anyone to read this if they aren't ready for the year to come. I understand this is a big step to take as I am not sure I am ready myself. Luckily, i'm the writer and not the reader.